Depression.org.nz
Depression.org.nz is here to offer understanding, validation and practical advice for those navigating depression and anxiety.
Depression.org.nz is here to offer understanding, validation and practical advice for those navigating depression and anxiety. Our mission is to lessen the impact of these challenges on New Zealanders' lives by promoting early recognition, encouraging help seeking and fostering supportive communities.
Understanding Mental Health - He āhuatanga taumaha
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Life's journey has its challenges.
During tough times, it's natural to feel overwhelmed or down. However, with the right support and understanding, these feelings can be navigated, leading to a brighter path ahead.
Ongoing feelings of sadness or hopelessness might indicate depression. Remember, depression can affect anyone, and seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness.
What is depression?
While everyone experiences moments of sadness due to life's events, ongoing feelings of despair can be indicative of depression. If these feelings get in the way of daily activities and don’t go away, it's important to seek support.
Depression is more than just feeling sad. It includes a range of emotions and physical symptoms. Depression can make everyday tasks feel impossible and life seem purposeless.
"It was not only emotional or psychological, it was physical as well. I just had no energy. I didn’t want to get out of bed." –Watch Donna's Story
Depression is more common than you may think. One in six people in Aotearoa have experienced a period of depression in their life.
"I think what I have been through has made me more courageous." –Watch Philip's Story
Depression is different for everyone. Recognising the signs can help you understand and address your emotions. Remember, there's no shame in seeking help. Everyone deserves support. With time, things will get better.
What does depression feel like?
While we've named this section "understanding depression", it's essential to recognise that everyone's experience is unique. You might identify with different terms or descriptions. Embrace the words that speak to your experience.
"I didn’t know the name of it but I knew that there was something wrong with that feeling. It was a feeling of dread like every time, like eggshells." –Listen to the story
down - (adjective) unhappy, unable to feel excited or energetic about anything
matapōuri - (verb) to be sad, gloomy, depressed, dejected
āwangawanga - (verb) to be uneasy in mind, disturbed, worried, anxious, distressed, concerned
disconnected - (adjective) separate from someone or something else, and not fitting well together or understanding each other
overwhelmed - (verb) If something overwhelms someone or something, it is too much, or almost too much, for them to manage
whakamā - (verb) to be ashamed, shy, bashful, embarrassed
sad - (adjective) unhappy or sorry
flat - (adjective) without emotion or excitement
Depression is different for everyone. Drawing from models like Te Whare Tapa Whā can help identify areas of your life affected by depression and areas you wish to strengthen. Remember, your journey is unique, and there's no one-size-fits-all approach.
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Anxiety is a natural response to stress or perceived threats.
When these feelings persist beyond the immediate situation, they can become overwhelming and affect daily life. Recognising and addressing these feelings is a sign of strength.
Anxiety is a natural response to challenging situations. It's how our body and mind prepare for potential challenges. However, when these feelings linger or feel out of proportion to the situation, they can disrupt our daily lives.
The reasons for feeling anxious can vary and might be influenced by current challenges (such as money worries), past experiences (being worried it might happen again) or concerns about the future (such as climate change). Remember, seeking support is a sign of resilience and strength.
Having feelings of anxiety doesn’t always mean that you have an anxiety disorder. Everyone feels anxious when dealing with uncertainty, but if you are feeling this way most of the time, there are people and strategies that can help you feel better. If you feel like a diagnosis might be right for you, speak to your GP.
While we've named this section "understanding anxiety", everyone's experience of these feelings are unique. You might identify with different terms or descriptions. Embrace the words that speak to your experience.
stressed - (adjective) worried and nervous
āwangawanga - (verb) to be uneasy in mind, disturbed, worried, anxious, distressed, concerned
overwhelmed - (verb) if something overwhelms someone or something, it is too much or almost too much for them to manage
anipā - (verb) to be anxious, uneasy, worried, apprehensive
worried - (adjective) unhappy because of thinking about problems or unpleasant things that might happen
manawa pā - (verb) to be apprehensive, anxious, have misgivings, reluctant, unwilling
uneasy - (adjective) slightly worried or uncomfortable about a particular situation
māharahara - (verb) to be anxious, worried, preoccupied
People feel anxiety in different ways
Anxiety is different for everyone. Drawing from models like Te Whare Tapa Whā can help identify areas of your life affected by anxiety and areas you wish to strengthen.
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Relationships play a pivotal role in shaping our mental health.
They can be a source of joy, strength and support, and they also have the potential to bring challenges and stress.
We form relationships with many different people throughout our lives, from family and romantic partners to friends, workmates and casual acquaintances. Each relationship is unique and evolves over time.
These connections are vital. They bring joy, comfort and support, but they can also lead to feelings of isolation or stress. Understanding and navigating these dynamics is a key part of maintaining our mental wellbeing.
Throughout our lives, we form bonds for various reasons. Some are given, like family, while others are chosen, like friendships and romantic partnerships. Each interaction, whether it's a chat with a fellow commuter or joining a local group, adds value to our lives.
Navigating these relationships can be complex. They may change with life's ebbs and flows – some remain constant, while others may drift or evolve.
Building and maintaining strong, healthy relationships is an essential skill. Engaging with people who uplift us through conversations, shared activities or simply being together is important for our mental and physical wellbeing.
Building and nurturing relationships
Good relationships look different for everyone. What's important is that they contribute positively to your life.
Our relationships naturally evolve as our interests, locations, and life circumstances change. While we can shape our relationships, we can't always control how others come into or leave our lives. Relationships can come with challenges like maintaining long distance connections, navigating arguments, and changes in relationships over time.
Building relationships can be challenging. It's a lifelong journey, with no one-size-fits-all formula. Remember, it's okay to seek help or advice in this area.
Loneliness can be tough, and it's common to pull away from people when we're going through hard times. Loneliness isn't just about being alone, it's about feeling disconnected, even in a crowd. These feelings can have a big impact on our mental wellbeing. Building relationships that connect with our identity and community help to keep us well.
Whānau | Family
Family, or whānau, often are the first bonds we form in life. Family connects us to who we are and where we come from. These relationships can offer a sense of belonging and safety but can also be complex, especially when conflict or trauma is involved. Remember, whānau extends beyond blood relations – it includes anyone we hold dear.
Family dynamics change over time. It's natural to have mixed feelings about family members, especially when expectations or beliefs clash. Sometimes the people who you hope would understand and support you can let you down. You might feel obligated to forgive the people who have hurt you simply because they are family.
Here are some tips for strengthening family relationships:
Respect differing beliefs and opinions, even if they clash with your own.
Give it time. They might need time to understand what’s going on for you and how they can help.
Acceptance is key. We can't always expect others to change, but we can control our reactions and actions.
Acknowledge that relationships evolve. Learning and growing often means navigating changes, misunderstandings, and reconciliations.
Friendships
“I laugh and joke with my friends; and three years ago, I would have said that that wasn’t possible.” – Watch Gillian’s story
Different people look for different things in friendships, some prefer having lots of friends or only one or two. You might share a sense of humour, hobbies, life stages, experiences, religion, workplace, values, or culture with your friends.
Whatever your preference, friends can make life feel brighter. They can offer love, care, support, and joy in the good times and the hard times.
Finding friends, especially as adults, can be challenging. Here are some ways to build new friendships:
Join groups or communities that share your interests. Meetups, your local library or community centre is a good place to start.
Connecting with people online through social media or online gaming can take the pressure of communicating in person.
Start conversations at work or in your community about shared interests.
Reach out to someone you haven't spoken to in a while.
Challenges in relationships
Relationships aren't always easy. Here's how to navigate some common challenges.
Family Violence
Everyone deserves to feel safe and respected. It’s not okay to feel threatened or scared for your emotional and physical safety in any relationship.
People experiencing abuse in their relationships may feel like they can't tell others. If there are some things about your relationship that don’t feel right, it’s okay to talk to someone about how you’re feeling. If you're experiencing abuse, it's not your fault, and help is available.
For more information about violence or abuse in relationships, Shine (0508-744-633) and Women’s Refuge offer support and resources.
Conflict Resolution
It’s normal to have disagreements with the people we care about from time to time. Try to communicate openly, listen to the other person's perspective, and take responsibility for your part in conflicts. Conflict can be overwhelming when you’re already feeling down. Sometimes, taking a step back is necessary for your wellbeing.
If you're finding yourself caught in a whirlpool of overthinking or worry, here are some strategies you might want to try:
Have a chat: Open up a conversation, but let's keep it blame-free. Share your feelings without pointing fingers. Instead of saying, “You haven’t called me in ages,” how about, “I’ve really missed our korero (talks) and would love to find ways to stay more connected.”
Listen with your heart: Hear them out and see the world through their eyes. If things aren't crystal clear, don't be shy to ask questions. Understanding each other is key.
Own your part: Sometimes, without meaning to, we might hurt those we care about. If that's the case, taking responsibility is a brave and important step.
Plan together: Crafting a way forward is a team effort. It might mean taking a breather to cool off before making any big decisions. That's okay – sometimes, space is what we need to see things more clearly.
Not every relationship sails smoothly, and that's alright. There are times when people in our lives might cause us pain or disappointment. Recognizing when a relationship is no longer serving your wellbeing is crucial. Healthy relationships are anchored in mutual respect, trust, and understanding. If you've given it your best shot and the seas haven't calmed, it's perfectly okay to step back and focus on your own wellbeing.
Navigating relationships isn't always easy, but remember, you're not sailing these waters alone. We're here to support you with information and guidance every step of the way. Stay strong, stay connected, and most importantly, stay true to yourself.
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Alcohol and drugs
The relationship between alcohol, drugs and mental health is complicated.
Everybody's story is different.
We all have different reasons for our relationship with alcohol or drugs. It could be cultural beliefs, personal experiences, societal influences or simply personal preference. Whatever your reason or experience, our goal is to provide understanding without judgement.
The relationship between alcohol, drugs, and mental wellbeing is deeply personal and complex. Substance use can influence mental health and vice versa. It can also influence physical health, social connections, cultural ties and working life. Navigating these connected paths can be scary, but taking small steps can lead to positive changes in mental wellbeing.
"My whānau, they were really honest about my predicament, like how are you going to figure out how are you going to deal with that, you know in a healthy way, how are you going to express your irritation and frustrations in a healthy way." –Listen to the story
Remember, if you’re worried about your own or a loved one's substance use, prioritise compassion and call for help when you need it. No matter how much, how often, what you use or why, we’re not here to judge.
Alcohol and drugs can encompass alcohol, tobacco, vaping, illicit drugs and non-prescribed medication use. On this page, you can find stories, insights and advice about the intersection of substance use and mental wellbeing.
If you’re thinking about your own alcohol or drug use
It's natural to feel a mix of emotions when thinking about substance use. You may feel anger, loneliness, guilt or even jealousy that other people don’t seem to think much about their alcohol and drug use.
“As my mood darkened, my need to find some kind of way to find some light in my world expanded. So it became this survival technique to find whatever I could to make myself feel better. And so at 15, for me that was drugs and alcohol and a sense of belonging.” –Watch Hannah’s story
You might be thinking about your alcohol or drug use for many reasons. It might not make you feel good. Someone may have mentioned it to you, maybe you’ve done something to you're not comfortable with or you might be comparing your intake to the recommended limits.
Start by asking yourself these things:
Do I want to see any changes in my substance use?
Am I open to seeking help?
Would I prefer a familiar face or an anonymous conversation?
What kind of support aligns with my cultural or personal beliefs?
Everybody’s journey with substances is different. The answers to these questions might change over time. This can be a lot to think about. Take the time that you need.
If you're considering changing your use or stopping altogether, planning non-substance related activities can be helpful. Whatever you choose, looking for activities that bring you peace and connection can help to take your mind off things.
Starting a conversation or asking for support can be daunting but can be really helpful. People who can helpand asking for helpwill help you identify what support different people can provide and ways to start a conversation.
If someone has tried to speak to you about your drinking or drug use
There’s lots of reasons why someone might have decided to speak to you about alcohol or drugs. People often try to have these conversations if they’re worried or want to make sure you’re okay. No matter their intentions, these conversations can be hard. You might be feeling angry, embarrassed, shocked – or possibly supported or loved.
Things to remember:
You have the right to process this at your own pace.
You decide the next steps – whether it's seeking help or making changes.
Support is available – the choice to reach out is yours.
If you do want to talk, you only need to share what you’re comfortable with. You can ask for support in any way that feels right for you.
What this might look like:
Finding a support service to call.
Going to an appointment together.
Doing drug and alcohol-free activities together.
Finding ways to reduce risks like attending drug checking services.
If you’re worried about someone else’s drinking or drug use
Talking to someone about their substance use can be challenging. It's important to approach the conversation with empathy and understanding, respecting their freedom to make their own decisions.
Supporting someone
Seeing a loved one struggle can be heart-wrenching. While the desire to help is natural, it's crucial to approach the situation with sensitivity and respect for their autonomy.
Things to remember:
Your role is supportive, not directive.
Don’t make assumptions – every individual's experience is unique.
Prioritise safer use of alcohol and drugs – check out The Level for more information.
Encourage open communication.
Give them time and space to make their own decisions.
Understand that change does not occur overnight and that recovery can be a complex journey.
If you need support in this journey, consider reaching out to the Alcohol & Drug Helpline. For more information about supporting someone check out our page here.
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Work can be a big part of our lives so it makes sense that it affects our wellbeing in different ways.
Meaningful work can give you purpose and motivation. Having a difficult time at work or in your life can make work feel overwhelming.
Work can play a major role in our lives. For many of us, most of our time is spent at work. Changes to your mahi, environment or your team can create challenges in your working life. It is normal to feel sick of work from time to time, but if you feel like your work is becoming too much, it might be time to reach out for help.
It is important to balance how much time and emotional energy you put into work, whānau and looking after yourself. Giving as much as you can at work might not mean giving 100% every day. Even if you’re not working in a job you love, you can find meaning through work in different ways. This could be regular customers or co-workers who get you through the day.
As you figure out what’s making you feel the way you do, you might find that you want a career change. Switching jobs is normal, and many people often take time out to figure out what they really want in life.
Support at work
Everyone goes through tough times. When you need some support, it can be helpful to talk to someone at your workplace about what is going on.
You may be worried that your employer will think you can’t do your job, or what you say won’t be confidential. You are in control of what you share and deserving of support. Taking the first step in getting support is often the hardest. Check out our page on how you can start the conversation.
It is unlawful for employers to use mental health as a reason to not promote you, to treat you differently or to dismiss you from your job. If this is happening, you can make a complaint to the Human Rights Commission.
In Aotearoa New Zealand, employees are protected by anti-discrimination laws. This means that employers must be able to support their employees who need it.
What this might look like:
Changing or reducing hours and responsibilities at work.
Free counselling through employee assistance programmes (EAP).
Flexibility to work from home.
Mentoring at work.
Worksafe provides more information about mental health at work for employers and employees.
Unemployment
If you’ve lost your job or can’t work right now, it might be taking a toll on your mental health. There is nothing wrong with you if you’re not in a job right now. Not working for whatever reason does not make you a failure.
If you’ve lost your job, you might be worrying about what the future holds. You might also be feeling betrayed or blaming yourself. If you have been let go from a job, you have the right to ask your employer for a written statement with the reasons for dismissal. If you feel your employer has been unfair or unjust, you have the right to make a complaint to the Employment Relations Authority.
Not being able to find work after leaving a job can be really discouraging. Constant rejection can knock your confidence and self-esteem. You might also be feeling disappointed that you can’t support your family. Talking about how you’re feeling with someone you trust can help lighten the load.
Workplace culture
Workplace culture is influenced by management and employee relationships and can significantly impact your mental health. A negative environment can form when employees feel undervalued and unsupported. Overwhelming work demands, lack of safety in raising concerns and experiences like bullying can affect your mental wellbeing. Employers are required to make sure everyone feels safe at work.
If you have raised concerns and nothing has changed, you may want to try these things:
Speak to someone you trust – this could be an HR representative, co-worker, friend or whānau.
Speak to your union representative – your union will advocate for your rights in the workplace.
Check your workplace policy about bullying.
Make a formal complaint.
Use an employee assistance programme.
Check out what Employment New Zealand has to say about bullying.
A positive work culture and supportive colleagues can make all the difference. Even if you aren’t working in a job you love, the people around you can get you through the day.
Burnout
A busy workplace can cause stress and burnout. Even if you feel supported at work, burnout can still happen from working in a physically or mentally demanding job or other things in your life outside of work. Burnout happens when we are pushed to our mental, physical and emotional limits.
Burnout and depression can have similar physical and emotional symptoms, but they are not the same. Burnout is caused by long-term stress or overworking and can sometimes lead to a depressive episode. While you can have depression and burnout at the same time, depression will not cause burnout. Learn more about the signs of depression here.
If you are feeling burnt out, you might find that things that usually come easily to you require more effort. Even getting up for work in the morning can feel completely overwhelming. You might feel that you don’t have the energy to do things outside of work any more.
Feeling exhausted from the demands of life is normal, and everyone needs support from time to time.
Finding balance can be hard, especially when you may need to work long hours or multiple jobs to support yourself and your whānau.
Here are a few things you can try:
Talk to a friend about how you are feeling.
Eat well and get enough sleep.
Take breaks at work.
Try reconnecting with something you enjoy like sport or a hobby.
You can ask for help at any time. Nothing is never ‘not serious enough’. If you need help, it is okay to ask. Our page on mental health resources has more information.
To speak to a trained counsellor, you can call or text 1737, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
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The journey to becoming a parent is filled with a rollercoaster of emotions.
This can range from immense joy and excitement to moments of exhaustion, stress and sometimes heartache.
Parenthood is a mixture of emotions. The highs are exhilarating, and the lows can be deeply challenging. This section looks at the different feelings we might be faced with and offers guidance and support for each phase.
Join us as we explore the mental wellbeing journey through different stages of parenthood. Whether it's the challenges of fertility, the rollercoaster of pregnancy or the complex emotions of loss, we're here to guide and support you through each phase.
Trying for a baby
Fertility challenges
In Aotearoa, we often hear about how starting a family is a walk in the park. But let's face it, for many, it's more complex than that. The rollercoaster of hope and disappointment each month, the anxiety, the stress – it's a path walked by many.
Trying for a baby looks different for each parent and relationship. Seeking medical care like fertility treatments or surrogacy can introduce more stresses. It's important to prioritise your mental wellbeing during this journey. Feeling overwhelmed by stress, the feeling of losing control or the side-effects of medication is perfectly normal.
Remember, you're not alone. Reaching out, connecting with others and seeking support can be incredibly empowering.
Here are some steps you can take:
Talk it out: Share your journey with friends, family or trusted people. It can help ease the burden and stop those unintentional but hurtful comments.
Change your scenery: Sometimes a simple walk or a moment of distraction can do wonders.
Find joy elsewhere: Dive into hobbies or spend time with friends – anything that brings you comfort.
Create distractions: Doing something new can give you a sense of control and purpose.
Seek more ideas and support: Visit Fertility New Zealand for more resources.
Having a baby
Pregnancy
Pregnancy is a time of big change, filled with a range of emotions. Hormonal shifts, thoughts about the future and changes in relationships – it's all a normal part of this journey.
Pregnancy can intensify feelings of anxiety and depression for some. Recognising these signs and seeking support is key. This section offers insights into managing stress and understanding the emotional rollercoaster of new parenthood.
Having a baby and becoming a parent is a life-changing event for you and all the people around you. While some feelings of sadness can be expected, there are also times when sadness, anger or stress are signs you may need more support.
It's important to communicate your feelings – both the highs and the lows. It’s common to think about changes to your relationships, what being a parent will be like, juggling other children or commitments, money or going back to work. This is all normal, although it can feel overwhelming.
If you're feeling overwhelmed, check out these tips for maintaining strong relationships during pregnancy.
Understanding 'baby blues'
It's totally normal for new parents to feel a mix of emotions after childbirth. Knowing the difference between the temporary baby blues that are due to hormonal changes and the more prolonged feelings of depression and anxiety can be really helpful.
Baby blues
Signs usually happen within the first few days after labour. These resolve after a few days and usually last no more than a couple of weeks.
What baby blues might look like:
Emotional ups and downs.
Unexplained crying.
Feelings of worry or sadness.
Restlessness.
Feeling overwhelmed.
Difficulty concentrating.
Changes in appetite.
Trouble sleeping.
Depression and anxiety
These signs might start in the first weeks after birth, during pregnancy or within the first year. They can last longer than a year.
What depression and anxiety might look like:
Feeling low and losing interest in things you once enjoyed.
Challenges in connecting with your child.
Low energy.
Intense irritability.
Feelings of shame or inadequacy.
Feeling very anxious or on edge.
Thoughts of harming yourself or harm to your baby.
Thoughts of not wanting to be here.
Need immediate help? Call 111 or go to your closest emergency department.
Our pages about depression and anxiety will help you to recognise the signs and provide some ideas to help you feel better. Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Aotearoa provides information and support for perinatal anxiety and depression in the community.
If you're concerned, PlunketLine (0800 933 922) is just a call away 24/7.
Traumatic birth experience
Experiencing a birth that's different from what you expected can be really tough. It's okay to feel a whirlwind of emotions like sadness, anger, guilt or grief. These feelings are a natural response to such an intense experience.
Reaching out for support is a brave and important step. Whether it's your midwife, doctor or a support group, they're there to help you navigate through this. This journey can impact your mental wellbeing, your bond with your baby, relationships with your partner and whānau and your confidence in parenting and can sometimes lead to other mental health challenges.
Birth Trauma Aotearoa is amazing in this area. Their website is a treasure trove of support resources.
Managing lack of sleep
Caring for a newborn can be exhausting. Sleepless nights are really tough, and I can be hard to switch off even when the baby sleeps. Lack of sleep can affect your concentration, mood and overall wellbeing. Well-meaning advice from others can be frustrating.
Here are a few strategies to help you cope:
Power naps: Sometimes this is easier said than done, but even short rests can help you to recharge.
Relaxing audio: Listen to a meditation podcast, video or music – anything relaxing that allows you to stop and slow down for short periods.
Ask for help: It can be hard to tell people how they can help – try writing down some tasks for them instead.
Get outside: Even a small walk around the block to get some fresh air can make all the difference.
Connect with people online at night: Sometimes knowing someone else is awake too can make things easier to bear.
Create a routine that works for you: Allow yourself some downtime when you can.
Find a mantra that works for you: Repeating something like “this will pass” or “my child will sleep again” can be helpful.
Carve out some time for your basic needs: When we miss sleep, it can feel extra challenging to take care of ourselves by showering, eating and cleaning our teeth. Prioritise your basic needs, especially when sleep is rare.
Call PlunketLine 0800 933 922 for free to speak to a nurse 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Expectations of parenthood
Parenting is a journey filled with joy and challenges. It's normal for your expectations to clash with reality, which can be stressful. If you're finding that parenthood isn’t what you expected it to be, here are some tips:
Talk with your support network about how you’ve been feeling.
Connect with other parents for insights and shared experiences.
Set realistic goals and clear boundaries for yourself.
Take steps to support your wellbeing like maintaining social connections or setting aside time for yourself each day.
Balancing social media and parenthood
Social media is a great way to connect with other parents, but it's important to balance it with real-life interactions. Remember that what you see online isn't always the full story.
What to do if you feel the need for a digital detox:
Engage in offline activities.
Limit your time on social platforms.
Follow pages that uplift you.
Let your friends and family know about your social media break.
Trust your instincts and always turn to trusted sources for advice.
Losing a baby
The loss of a baby, at any stage, is an indescribable pain. Grief is a deeply personal journey, and it's okay to feel a range of emotions. Here are some ways to navigate this difficult time:
Talk about it: Sharing your feelings can lighten the load.
Acknowledge your loss: Find a way that feels right for you, whether it's through rituals, gardening or other personal means.
Take your time: Grieving has no timeline. Take it one day at a time.
Self-care: Sometimes the simplest acts of self-care can be the most healing.
Professional support: Seek help from a healthcare professional if you need it.
Supporting someone
If you're looking to support a loved one, visit our support page for guidance on how to be there for them effectively.
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Our home plays an important role in our mental health.
A stable home life nurtures a secure environment, which can positively influence our mental wellbeing.
The support from our whānau helps us through challenging times and with managing life's stresses. Whānau can have a positive influence and nurture our wairua. Whānau includes everyone we hold dear. Unexpected changes at home can be uncomfortable. If you're struggling with challenges at home, remember it's okay to seek help. Everyone deserves a safe home environment.
Relationships at home
Our homes are where we connect with our whānau or flatmates. Whānau extends beyond blood relations. It includes everyone we hold dear. Emotional support from loved ones is essential for mental wellbeing. If you're feeling disconnected, remember we're here to help.
Living closely with others can be challenging at times. It's normal to sometimes feel unheard or overwhelmed.
Here are some strategies to navigate conflicts:
Share your feelings and changes you might want.
Listen closely and try to find common ground.
Create a plan together for a way forward.
Having hard conversations with people that we care about can be difficult. These conversations, while challenging, can strengthen your relationships and build trust in your home.
If arguments are happening more frequently and you are concerned for your safety, services like Women’s Refuge are available to help.
For more information on relationships, visit our relationships page.
Leaving home
Leaving home can be both exciting and challenging. These feelings are common, and you don’t have to face them alone, there are people who care about you and want to support you.
Staying at home or returning home
There are many reasons you might return home after time away. Whether it's due to money, family or personal choices, returning home is not a setback. It's important to communicate with your family about responsibilities and boundaries. You might feel confused about your role in the household or that you’ve lost a sense of freedom. These feelings are common and it's okay to feel unsettled.
You could talk to your family about these things:
What jobs around the house should I take on?
How much should I contribute to rent, the mortgage or bills?
How about groceries and meals?
If you're caregiving, prioritise your wellbeing too. Taking care of someone can be emotionally and physically demanding, especially if they are very unwell. Remember that homecomings can be a source of joy and rejuvenation too.
Reflections on success and life choices
Success and self-worth are deeply personal. It can be hard to ignore what others think or society's expectations, but building self-esteem outside of these is important.
Life's journey is filled with twists and turns. It's okay to change when needed, including changing where you live.
Relationships evolve, aspirations change and challenges arise. Remember that there is support to get through difficult times and move towards to the life you want and that you're not alone. Our people who can help page has more information.
Seeking Support - Poutokomanawa
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Support with daily life
Life's journey has its ups and downs.
There are many in the community ready to guide and stand beside you. Remember, you're not alone.
Financial stress, housing issues, health concerns or other significant changes – life's challenges can deeply affect our wellbeing. There is support available to you when you need it. Whether it's government assistance or community outreach, there's help available. Sometimes support can come from those already in your life such as your rūnanga, church or local community group. You and your whānau deserve support, no matter where you are on your journey.
Financial support
With the rising cost of living in Aotearoa, many face financial and emotional challenges. Managing finances can be overwhelming, especially if you are providing for whānau. There are services that can help with budgeting and financial support.
When seeking support in Aotearoa, you can always have someone by your side – for guidance, moral support or emotional support. There's no shame in seeking help. It's a sign of strength.
Social support
There is diverse range of support services available in Aotearoa. Your access might vary based on your location, but we’ve listed a few to get you started.
Citizens Advice Bureau provides free advice and links to all sorts of services related to daily life and your rights in Aotearoa. They are open to the public for drop-in visits in many parts of the country and are also accessible on the phone and online.
Your local library offers all sorts of information and links to services around you. They will be able to help you find support groups and community events in your area. Many libraries also offer courses in reading, writing, finance and digital literacy.
If you are in an unsafe situation and need to get out, Women's Refuge can provide emergency housing.
Victim Support provides help to people who have been a victim of a crime.
ACC provides support though sensitive claims for people who have experienced mental or physical injury from a criminal act.
LeVa provides links to support services for Pacific peoples across Aotearoa.
The Ministry of Health provides a directory of Māori health services across Aotearoa.
Whaikaha provides a directory of supports and services for disabled people and their whānau.
If you have children under 5, Plunket provides advice on many aspects of care. It also provides health professional visits.
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You are not alone.
There are many people in the community who are there to support you.
Finding your support network
It's natural to feel isolated during tough times. You might feel disconnected or believe that no one will understand. Many people have felt this way and have found their path forward. You can too.
Begin by connecting with one person, and over time, grow a supportive circle of friends, family, colleagues, educators, community leaders and healthcare professionals. Find the people who will stand by you and help you learn, grow and heal. This section suggests potential members of your support network and how they can help. Remember, your support network is unique to you, and you decide who's a part of it.
Friends and whānau
Your friends and family might be your first go-to for support. They're familiar with and understand your background and experiences. If you're considering reaching out, we offer guidance for both you and your loved ones.
If talking about mental health with close ones feels difficult, that's okay. Everyone's journey is different. Explore other support options listed here, and remember that you deserve understanding and care.
Community groups
Community groups encourage connections for shared purposes. Whether it's a sports club, religious organisation or online forum, being part of a community can be empowering.
“In our group sessions, we create a safe space for rangatahi to equip themselves with the right tools to navigate their wellbeing journey.” – Matt, mental wellbeing kaiārahi
If there are community groups you feel connected to, consider how they might be able to help you right now. There might be people in these groups you can talk to, or there might be a safe space for you to spend more time in. Being part of a community and doing things with and for other people can help us to find purpose and meaning.
Your local library can help you to find community groups
Kaumātua, elders and leaders
“Traditionally, when we were ailing inside, we would go to our grandparents.” – Dr Diane Kopua
Elders and leaders often have wisdom from their experiences. Consider reaching out to grandparents, spiritual leaders or mentors. Their insights might provide the comfort you need
“I remember my principal and kaumātua telling me stories of their own lives at my age. As they told these stories, they shared the ways in which they saw themselves in me. I admired them both deeply, and their words encouraged me to extend that admiration toward myself. When I felt small and purposeless, their words gave me hope.” – Manisha
Peer support
Peer support is about mutual understanding and is often focused around shared experiences of mental distress like anxiety or depression. Peer support services are different from a casual chat with friends, Peer support workers are trained to provide support through a tuakana-teina approach.
In peer support, everyone's experiences are valued, encouraging mutual care and understanding. Peer support uses intentional sharing, connecting and learning from each other to move towards your goals for your life.
"That journey through peer support and being a peer supporter and staying on the phone lines helped me recover" – Watch Michelle's story
These services can help you find peer support:
Citizens Advice Bureau community directory.
Yellow Brick Road provides peer support for whānau.
Health professionals
Health professionals trained in mental health can offer guidance. Start with your GP who can provide advice and referrals.
Things to remember when making an appointment:
Ask for extra time to kōrero (talk) with your doctor.
Consider taking a friend or whānau with you for support.
Share how you’ve been feeling and symptoms you’ve been experiencing.
List the things you’ve tried that have or have not helped.
Let your doctor know if you’re on any other medications or treatments.
If your current treatment doesn’t seem to be working, you can ask to try another approach. If you’re not comfortable with your health professional, you can ask to change to another one.
Work and Income may be able help to cover the cost of prescriptions and appointments. Check to see if you are eligible for a Community Services Card here.
Check out our page about types of treatment.
Health improvement practitioners
Some GP clinics have health improvement practitioners (HIPs) who are trained mental health and addictions practitioners. They offer holistic support for mental health challenges from sleep issues to relationship challenges.
Speak to your GP to see if this is an option for you.
Counsellors and psychotherapists
Counsellors and psychotherapists assist in navigating life’s challenges. A counsellor will enable you to feel heard and will help you to see your experiences from different perspectives. They will support you to focus on feelings, experiences or behaviour that will help you to make changes for the better.
"The benefit for me was the counsellor actually had strategies to get me to understand why I was experiencing the emotions that I was." – Watch Donna's story
Psychologists and psychiatrists
Psychologists are health professionals who can assess for and diagnose mental health conditions. They offer specific talking therapies and approaches customised to individual needs.
Psychiatrists are medical doctors specialising in mental health. They collaborate with other health professionals for comprehensive care.
Social workers
Social workers support individuals who are dealing with various life aspects impacting mental health, from crisis support to accessing services.
Whānau Ora navigators
Whānau Ora navigators will act as an advocate for you and your whānau through the health and social services you can access. They work from a mātauranga Māori framework.
Rongoā practitioners
These practitioners work in rongoā Māori, an indigenous method of healing, to help with a range of different conditions. Find a registered practitioner here.
Brief intervention counsellors
Brief intervention counsellors provide short interventions to help with life’s challenges. They are free to access, you can talk to your GP about getting a referral.
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There are different ways to support your mental wellbeing.
Health professionals and support services offer solutions based on your needs. Explore different treatments to see what suits you. It's okay to try different methods or even combine them to find what truly helps.
There are many treatments that can help your mental wellbeing – each one offers something different. There's no one-size-fits-all approach – it's about finding what suits your needs. Every method has its advantages and challenges, which may be different for everyone.
Your journey to finding effective strategies is ongoing. Some might work for now, while others might not be for you. Don’t get discouraged if the first thing you try isn’t the right fit. Filling your toolbox with strategies that work for you takes time. Your community is here to support you, sharing their experiences and insights.
Taking the first step can be hard. You might find it easier to try with things you are already familiar with like going for a walk, spending time in nature, listening to or making music, meditation or prayer. For more ideas, try our page about taking care.
Talking therapies
"The group therapy was awesome for the fact that it made me realise, I’m not alone." – Watch Gillian's story
Talking therapies involve discussing your emotions, thoughts and actions with a trained professional. Many professionals offer therapy, including psychologists, counsellors, social workers, nurses and more. They'll recommend strategies, exercises and discussions to help your journey.
How these sessions can help:
Offer a safe space to express feelings.
Guide you through big feelings and find ways to cope with them.
Help you to understand and change your thoughts and behaviours.
Together with your therapist, you'll explore what works for you. Sessions can be individual or group-based depending on what you prefer.
Talking therapies can include counselling and psychotherapy. There are many different methods of doing talking therapy such as cognitive behavioural therapy. Your therapist will help you decide which method will work for you.
Finding the right therapist or programme might take time. It's okay to look for another professional if the current one isn't suiting your needs.
Starting therapy is a big step, and there's no shame in seeking support. You choose the pace, and everything you share will be kept confidential unless there is an immediate risk of danger to you or someone else. When you use a health service in Aotearoa, your privacy is protected by the Code of Health and Disability Services Consumers' Rights.
Usually, a therapy programme includes several sessions, allowing time for reflection and growth. Some people find long-term therapy beneficial, while others might prefer short-term sessions.
Peer support
Peer support is the sharing of experiences to help one another. Trained peer support workers use their personal mental health journeys to assist others facing similar challenges.
"That journey through peer support and being a peer supporter and staying on the phone lines helped me recover" – Watch Michelle's story
Some benefits of peer support:
Relatability – talking to someone who truly understands.
Gaining insights from others' experiences.
Realising you're not alone and you can get through tough times.
Peer support can be in person or online. The Citizens Advice Bureau can help you find services in your area.
Indigenous medicine
"I had to first connect with the wairua through karakia, waiata and also regular visits to the awa." – Watch Jamie's story
Rongoā Māori is a traditional Māori healing approach that includes herbal remedies, physical therapies and spiritual healing.
Services might include massage, pastoral support, herbal preparations and cultural guidance. Similar practices exist in Pacific cultures.
These methods aim to reconnect you with your roots, family and passions, holistically addressing wellbeing.
You can find a registered rongoā practitioner through ACC here.
Medication
If you have tried a few different options and thing’s aren’t getting better, your healthcare professional might suggest medication for depression or anxiety. Medication can ease symptoms but won't change life circumstances affecting your mood. Talking with people you trust or with a health professional about how you’re feeling can help with this.
If you decide to start medication, your healthcare provider should clarify these things:
What symptoms it should help with.
How long it will take to work.
How long you will need to take it.
Potential side-effects.
How to stop taking it safely.
It's important to be informed and ask questions about prescribed medication. Your healthcare provider can help you decide if the treatment is right for you.
Finding the right medication can take time. It may take a few weeks before you notice a change.
"My doctor diagnosed me at that time with depression and started me on some antidepressants, which took a few weeks to take effect, but they made a huge difference." – Watch Debra's story
If side-effects emerge, talk to your doctor. They will support you to lower your dose or change the medication.
If you want to stop medication, talk to your doctor. They will support you to stop gradually under their guidance to ensure your safety. Stopping suddenly can be dangerous to both your physical and mental health. Tell someone you trust that you’re stopping medication so they can look out for you.
Complementary and alternative treatments
Complementary or alternative treatments can be used alongside or as alternatives to medical treatments. While there is a lack of clinical evidence for some of these treatments, many people find them helpful. Some supplements may help improve your mood or sleep. If you are considering supplements, and are taking other medication, ensure you talk to your doctor or pharmacist first, for safety reasons. Some people find treatments like acupuncture, reiki, massage or meditation work well for them.
Healthify has more information about the effectiveness of complementary and alternative treatments.
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Seeking help can take a lot of courage.
Regardless of where you are in your journey, it is always good to have others around for support.
Reaching out for support can be challenging, but it's a crucial step towards wellbeing. It is okay to feel alone, and it is normal to be hesitant to open up. The first step can be the hardest.
"I think it’s important to ask for help. Ask anyone for help and keep asking because you might not get it the first time." – Watch Philip's story
This section offers information about different types of assistance and helps to make the process of sharing your feelings smoother. There are people in your life keen to help – you're not on this journey alone.
Choosing who to talk to
Reach out to someone you trust – a close friend, a family member, a teacher, a spiritual leader or a healthcare professional. Trust your instincts and initiate a conversation.
"I rang this lady who was our Brownie group leader, whom I’d heard does some good counselling. And I rang her, and she just said, “Put the kids in the car and come over now, and we’ll talk.” – Watch Debra's story
People will appreciate your openness and will try to help. If their approach doesn't work, it's okay to try elsewhere. Your mental wellbeing is important, and many people might relate to your experiences and offer valuable insights.
Here are some things to consider:
Who makes you feel at ease? Think of the people you find it easy to talk to – a friend, a relative like an aunt, uncle or cousin or a leader you trust.
Go at your own pace. You might not feel ready yet, and that’s okay. Take the time you need and reach out when it feels right.
Think about who you can confide in. Do you trust this person to keep things between the two of you?
Know your safe space. Where makes you feel calm or at ease?
“My safe space for talanoa varies. It could be my car, my home or driveway, but the other person always knows it is safe.” – Matt
If you’d like to know more about who can help and how they can help, click here.
What could support look like?
Support is different for everyone. If you're unsure about what you need, explore different options. Here are some ways people have found support:
Engaging in activities together like walks or movies.
Openly sharing feelings.
Regular check-ins.
Helping with daily tasks such as chores or childcare.
Help with medical appointments or going to them.
Advice on communicating with others like employers or educators.
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If someone close to you is not their usual self, it's okay to reach out to them.
Listening and talking with someone can help them feel reassured that they’re not alone and that they don't need to have all of the answers.
Supporting someone through tough times can be one of the most difficult and rewarding experiences in life. You don't need to be a mental health expert. Just being your authentic self can a difference. It's normal to feel uncertain about how to start, what to say or what to do. This page is here to help you.
“We know when our wairua is being nurtured by people … if they listen to us, it upholds our mana, which also strengthens our wairua.” – Matua Tau Huirama
Starting the conversation
If you're concerned about someone, it's okay to reach out to them. Tough times can catch us by surprise, and the person might not realise their own changes. They may feel like no one has noticed, so your observation can be a sign of care.
Starting this conversation can be scary. You might question your place in their life or think others are better placed to help. Remember, there's no rulebook on who can offer support. Your simple act of acknowledgement and concern can be the motivation for them to seek help.
“When people asked how I was, I said I was ‘fine’. I didn’t really know how to explain the darkness I felt, or the numb ache of being alive. I became convinced those feelings had always been there. I only really accepted that something was wrong, and I was allowed to ask for help after heaps of people in my life reached in to me.” – Manisha
What if we don't talk about stuff like this?
Talking about mental health can be hard. If it doesn't feel right, there are other ways to show support. Your goal is to let them know you see them, care for them and are there for them through actions and words.
Building your relationship
“It means being there. It means listening. It means being present.” – Dr Evangelene Daniela-Wong
Distress can feel lonely. Sometimes just being there is the most significant support you can offer. Do things you both enjoy like cooking, walking or sharing music. Be flexible and understanding if they're not up for certain activities, and find simple ways to be present in their life.
As you suggest things, you might find that some of the ideas might be too much for them right now. Tough times can be exhausting, and things that used to be easy become much harder. When this happens, here are some things to try:
Continue inviting them to things. Let them know that they’re always welcome, and that even though you’d love to have them there, it’s not a problem when they can’t come.
Try to do other things to meet them where they’re at. This could be as simple as dropping off some food and sitting with them for a bit.
Supporting someone to seek help
Encourage the person you're supporting to think of other people who can help. Help them connect or reconnect to other people, and offer to join them at appointments. This could include friends, family, colleagues and health professionals. Our people who can help page offers insights on building this network. Remember, it's okay to step back and let others step in.
Looking after yourself
Supporting someone is a journey with ups and downs. It's tough to see a loved one hurting, and it's important to acknowledge that we can't fix everything. All we can do is walk alongside them as they find their own way through. You don’t have to have the answers. Just being there and listening without judgement is enough.
If you’re finding it difficult or overwhelming to show up for the person you care about, seek help. Reach out to friends and family, do things that make you feel good and consider calling a helpline to talk through what you’re experiencing. You deserve support too.
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Mental health resources
Discover resources made for you and your journey.
Explore, learn and find what helps you. Whether you prefer online resources, phone conversations or connecting in person, there’s plenty of options to support you and your whānau.
Navigating mental health can sometimes feel overwhelming with either not enough or too many options. Your path to wellbeing is shaped by your cultural background, past experiences and personal preferences.
We've listed some different resources to help you find what works for you. There's no one-size-fits-all answer. It might take time and exploration to find what truly supports you. Persevere – you deserve support that works for you.
Urgent help
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 111.
For urgent mental health support, contact Healthline on 0800 611 116. They can connect you to your local Te Whatu Ora Mental Health Crisis Team, available 24/7.
Find a service
Te Whatu Ora – Health NZ: Locate free mental health support near you.
Family Services Directory: Directory of service providers for you and your family.
Helpline support
Helplines offer a confidential space to discuss what's happening for you. Whether you need advice for yourself or someone else, these 24/7 services are here to help:
Need to Talk? Call or text 1737. For peer support, call between 2pm-10pm.
Depression Helpline: 0800 111 757 or text 4202.
Anxiety Helpline: 0800 ANXIETY (2694 389).
Youthline: Text 234 or call 0800 376 633. Webchat available.
The Lowdown: Text 5626.
OutLine: Rainbow mental health support at 0800 OUTLINE (688 5463) from 6–9pm.
Lifeline: 0800 543 354 or text 4357.
Alcohol & Drug Helpline: 0800 787 797.
Rural Support Trust: 0800 787 254, 7am–7pm. After hours, contact 1737.
Puāwaitanga: 0800 782 999.
PeerTalk: 0800 234 432, 5pm–midnight
Online tools and therapy
These resources have been developed in Aotearoa. They provide safe and up-to-date information and strategies.
Small Steps: Manage stress with free online tools.
Just a Thought: Online courses using cognitive behavioral therapy. Includes courses in NZSL.
All Right?: App offering daily wellbeing reminders.
Headstrong: Chatbot for adolescents to boost mental resilience.
Aunty Dee: Problem-solving tool for Māori and Pasifika youth.
SPARX: Self-help game for teenagers to manage depression and build resilience.
Voda: LGBTQIA+ mental wellbeing app.
Healthify: Check out the app library for mental wellbeing.
Information on websites
A lot of people look online for mental health information and advice. It can be a useful and private way to look for help for yourself or for friends and whānau.
The Lowdown: A youth-centric platform to understand depression and anxiety.
Small Steps: Tools to manage stress, anxiety, and low mood.
Aroā Wellbeing: Resources and activities for rangatahi Māori by rangatahi Māori.
Te Whatu Ora – Health NZ: Find mental health resources and support.
Mental Health Foundation: Tips, stories, and resources to support mental wellbeing.
Changing Minds: Directory of NZSL resources and support for mental health.
Work Well: Guide for promoting mental health in workplaces.
Rural Support Trust: Mental health resources for rural communities.
PADA: Insights on perinatal anxiety, depression, and associated stigmas.
MATES in Construction NZ: Support for construction industry workers.
Staying Well - Toiora
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Looking after yourself
“Your greatest source is yourself. Look after your own tapu. The main thing is that, whatever you do, you look after yourself.” – Matua Tau Huirama
Getting through challenging times is difficult. Doing activities that uplift, calm and restore your spirit can improve our mental health. Discovering what works for you might need some patience and time. Understand that every step is a move towards understanding yourself better.
The building blocks
While advice about sleep, nutrition, movement and connection might seem generic, they create a strong foundation for mental wellbeing. Including them in your life doesn't need to be perfect – it’s just about trying and being aware.
Sleep
A restful sleep improves decision making, memory and emotional regulation. Creating sleep-friendly habits such as a consistent sleep schedule and creating an ideal sleep environment can be life changing.
Tips for better sleep:
Use an eye mask or blackout curtains to block out light.
Use earplugs or listen to calming music, an audiobook or a podcast.
Go to sleep and wake up at the same time every day.
Stop or reduce screen time, work, caffeine and alcohol in the few hours before bed.
Allow 30 minutes to relax and wind down before bed.
Try to get your bedroom to a cool, comfortable temperature.
Get some natural light and exercise throughout the day to promote good sleep at night.
If you find it difficult to fall or stay asleep, try Just a Thought’s Managing Insomnia course.
Nutrition
Food not only nourishes the body but also connects us to our heritage and community. Eating a balanced diet means feeding both your body and your mind.
Here are some things to try:
Think of some meals that are easy and fast to make if you aren’t up to cooking every day. Search for “easy, fast dinner recipes” online for inspiration.
Eat something comforting that makes you feel good. This could be a family recipe, a cultural delicacy or your favourite food.
Share a meal with someone. Eating together and sharing food can be a great way to connect.
If you’re unable to pay for food right now, foodbank.co.nz and Work and Income may be able to help.
Movement
Physical activity can be a source of joy, health and connection. You might exercise for the endorphins, to help with sleep, to improve your health, to be able to play with your mokopuna, to connect with te taiao, to connect with people or to spend time by yourself.
Try walking around the garden or around the block to get you started. Whether it's joining a local sports team or dancing to your favourite tune, find what moves you.
Connection
Embrace the power of relationships. Connect with your roots, engage with your community and cherish the bonds you form. From casual meet-ups to volunteering, every interaction can add value to your life.
For more information about connecting with others, see our identity and community and relationships pages.
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Connecting with our roots, discovering our unique strengths or simply embracing our true self can enhance our sense of identity, fostering happiness and resilience.
Discovering our place within our community and understanding our identity is an ongoing journey influenced by lots of different things. As we navigate life, our sense of self may evolve. A strong connection to our community and a positive sense of identity can be helpful in healing, building resilience and enhancing overall wellbeing.
“Knowing your identity can be about your wairua, but it can also be intellectual and emotional. Sometimes, you feel like you are not being heard. People want to be seen and heard so they can feel good within themselves.” – Matua Tau Huirama
Our identity shapes our thoughts, actions, values and interactions. It's a reflection of how we see ourselves and plays an important role in our mental wellbeing.Our identity shapes our thoughts, actions, values and interactions. It's a reflection of how we see ourselves and plays an important role in our mental wellbeing. Identity is more than just your ancestry – it is your age, gender identity, sexuality, musical tastes, friendship groups, academic and professional background and so many other things.
A strong sense of identity can give us a sense of purpose and belonging, both individually and in groups. A strong sense of identity can bring heightened self-awareness, self-worth, confidence and resilience. If you’re feeling disconnected or confused about where you belong, there are people out there who get where you're coming from and can offer you support and understanding.
Cultural connections
“Having cultural pride keeps a person grounded and creates a foundation of values and confidence within them. It makes us who we are.” – Matt, mental wellbeing kaiarahi
Embracing our cultural uniqueness encourages a sense of connection and acceptance. Culture can be tied to our family, heritage and traditions but can be something outside of our families that we connect with. Culture is also related to faith or spirituality or to subcultures based around music, technology, art, sports or other hobbies. It can be shared by people of a similar age or similar life experiences. Joining in cultural activities, understanding values and talking with respected people can deepen these connections.
There are all sorts of ways of connecting to and expressing your culture such as spending time with your whānau or taking part in community events as well as through the arts, dance, music, food and clothing.
“So even within our household, we had this kind of clash of we’re Samoan on one hand, but actually we’re also New Zealanders on the other. And, it felt like there was a particular type of Pacific kid that I was supposed to be.” – Watch Vito's story
If you're feeling disconnected, consider these strategies to create a deeper sense of belonging:
Dive into your roots: Learn about your cultural background. Understanding your heritage can provide clarity on your thoughts, feelings and actions.
Embrace your heritage: Familiarise yourself with your family's history and traditions. Recognising your ancestors and cultural practices can anchor your sense of self.
Celebrate your culture: Engage with your culture. Remember, there's no set way to connect with your roots. It's a personal journey that evolves over time.
Engage with your community: Participate in local events – church gatherings, community projects or neighbourhood initiatives. Lending a hand benefits others and nurtures your sense of belonging.
Open up: Share your feelings with someone you trust. Sometimes, just voicing your emotions can provide relief and perspective.
Reconnect with whānau: Spending quality time with whānau can reinforce your sense of identity and provide a comforting sense of familiarity. Whānau can mean blood connections or kaupapa whānau – people you feel close to through friendship or shared beliefs, identity and passions.
For more information, see our relationships page by clicking here.
Finding your community
Connecting with like-minded individuals can strengthen our wellbeing and resilience. Engaging with our community, nature and the world can guide our self-care journey.
"I've learnt that it’s okay to be different. You know, autism is just a different way of thinking. It’s okay to experience a different way of being." – Watch Gabrielle's story
At times, others' labels or expectations might challenge our sense of identity. This can make it difficult to tell people about your experiences or find someone who can help you to understand your identity. Finding supportive communities and individuals who understand will strengthen your wellbeing.
Some ideas to help you on your journey:
Engage with your community: Participate in community events to foster connections.
Dive into culture and history: Have conversations and learn about the rich make-up of your cultural background.
Build supportive relationships: Connect with friends and people who uplift and support you.
Embrace language: Learning a new language can deepen your connection to your cultural roots and broaden your community ties.
Discover your ancestry: Research the origins and meanings of your family name. Look into stories of past generations to understand your heritage.
Celebrate cultural cuisine: Experiment with traditional recipes from your culture, embracing the flavours and stories behind each dish.
Immerse in the arts: Explore music, art and literature. Let it inspire your creativity and deepen your connection to your roots.
Seeking support
If you're grappling with your own identity, remember you're not alone. Reach out, share your feelings and seek guidance. Whether it's face to face or over the phone, talking can help.
Here are some places that may be able to provide support:
Free call or text 1737 any time for support from a trained counsellor.
Depression helpline – 0800 111 757 or free text 4202 (to talk to a trained counsellor about how you are feeling or to ask any questions).
OutLine – 0800 688 5463 (0800 OUTLINE) – sexuality or gender identity helpline.
Youthline - 0800 376 633 or free text 234.
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Self-tests
Feeling down or on edge are common experiences for us all. When these feelings get in the way of life, it may be that you are experiencing depression or anxiety – or both. These self-tests ask some important questions that can help you take stock of where you are at so you can plan for feeling better sooner.
Depression test
Anxiety test
