Are You Ok
Family Violence is Not Ok
-
Everyone deserves to feel safe in their relationships. At Are You OK we provide easy to access and relevant information for people seeking support for family violence in New Zealand. Those worried about safety in their relationship or their supporters can understand their situation better and find pathways to immediate help.
-
Phone Support:
Call us on 0800 456 450 for 24/7 specialist family violence support
Call 111 for emergencies
You deserve to be safe - If you're worried about safety in a relationship, you made the right decision coming here.
Everyone deserves to feel safe in their relationships. At Are You OK we provide easy to access and relevant information for people seeking support for family violence in New Zealand. Those worried about safety in their relationship or their supporters can understand their situation better and find pathways to immediate help.
Why We Exist
Family violence is a significant issue in New Zealand, and our goal is to help people across the country understand unsafe behaviours in their relationships and access support safely. Are You OK helps people who might have limited access to face-to-face services find support, with 24/7 family violence counsellors available through phone and web chat services on the site.
This website was previously part of the It’s Not OK campaign to reduce family violence in New Zealand. You can find more information about the It’s Not OK campaign on this page.
Understand Unsafe Relationships
You have the right to a relationship that is equal, respectful, supportive, and safe - Is your partner making you feel unsafe?
Some common signs that a partner’s behaviour is unsafe and may be dangerous. A relationship may be unsafe, even without abuse or violence - Read more
What is family violence? - Explore what family violence is and learn about the types of abuse - Read more
Worried about friends or whānau?- Family violence can be physical and emotional. Your understanding and support matters - Read more
Get Support For You or Someone Else
Steps and support for safety for you or someone else who is experiencing family violence - Support for me
Practical steps to safety and services that can help you - Read more
Support for friends or whānau - How to support someone and look after yourself - Read more
I'm worried about my kids - Ways to keep you and your kids safe through legal protections and support services - Read more
-
Understanding violence in rainbow relationships
Many rainbow relationships are sources of acceptance, joy and safety – which is important because Takatāpui and rainbow people are not always accepted for who they are.
However, violence and abuse can occur within any relationship. And while Takatāpui and rainbow people might experience the same kinds of violence in their relationships, you may also experience specific abuse relating to your identity or sexual preference.
You could experience this from:
romantic or sexual partners (including ex-partners)
your family of origin (those you grew up with)
your chosen family (those you might have chosen as your family)
those you live with.
It’s important to be able to able to identify if something isn’t right within your relationships and know where to seek support. Any kind of behaviour that makes you feel unsafe or hurts you is not ok.
How to tell if it's family violence
Family violence can be any unsafe, unhealthy, or controlling behaviours that occur between people who have a relationship with one another. To find out more about family violence and types of abuse, visit the What is family violence? page
Sometimes people might not understand the type of abuse that Takatāpui and rainbow people experience in their relationships as family violence.
Harmful ideas about rainbow relationships
Sometimes harmful ideas about rainbow relationships can make it harder to talk about abuse, and harder to seek help.
Some examples are when people say that:
women can’t abuse women, or men can’t abuse men
jealousy and stopping you spending time with people you care about means they “really love you”
their trauma is an excuse for abuse in a relationship
you can't safely, consensually, and ethically have multiple partners
violence in a relationship happened because of someone being Takatāpui or rainbow.
Remember, these beliefs are not true. No violence is acceptable in rainbow relationships. You deserve to feel safe around the people you are close to.
Reach out to someone you trust
If you decide to seek help, reach out to someone you can trust to support you.
You can ask a trusted person for help with specific things like:
using their phone or computer to look for more resources or people to call
calling ahead, to see if the support organisation near you will provide services for you
keeping a spare set of car keys, spare phone, extra money, copies of important documents, medication and an overnight bag at their place for you so you can get away quickly
coming with you to visit a support organisation.
Support services
If you decide to approach a support service, it is important that you find the right service for you.
If you’re concerned about whether a family violence service can help you, have a look at these questionsThis link will take you to an external website from Hohou Te Rongo Kahukura. You or your supporter can ask them when contacting any service.
Support is available to Takatāpui and Rainbow people through:
OutLine
You can call OutLineThis link will take you to an external website on 0800 688 5463 / 0800 OUTLINE to find out about your local rainbow support organisations. These organisations may be able to help you find safe specialists within family violence organisations. Often, they will have already asked these questions of the service, and they may also be able to ring ahead for you.
Police Diversity Liaison Officers (DLOs)
DLOs provide liaison between the Police and Takatāpui and rainbow people. You can contact the Police Diversity Liaison Officers via emailThis link will take you to an external website to ask them what you can expect from the Police response.
Contact family violence professions
Contact us through the chat window or call 0800 456 450 to speak with a trained professional about family violence.
Always remember, if it’s an emergency, to call 111.
You can contact support services directly and anonymously. You can call a service in your own area or in another area if you are worried about your community knowing.
To find a list of resources for rainbow relationships, you can visit the Rainbow Violence Prevention Network’s resource listThis link will take you to an external website.
-
What is family violence?
Family violence can be any unsafe, unhealthy, or controlling behaviours that occur between people who have a relationship with one another. To find out more about family violence and types of abuse, see What is family violence? pageThis link will take you to an external website
How family violence can be different for disabled people
Disabled people, just like everyone else, want relationships that are loving and respectful.
While disabled people can experience violence in the same ways as others, you may also experience violence related to your disability. For example, abuse could be coming from the people supporting you with your disability, like your partner, family or whānau, personal assistant or support staff.
This makes it hard to reach out for help, as the person abusing you might be someone you depend on for care and support.
It’s important that you feel safe in your relationships with other people and know how to identify and seek support if something is not right.
Know your rights
There are laws and other legal processes in place to protect your rights.
You have a right to:
feel safe around people you know, and with those who support you
have your needs met
get support for abuse — you have the same rights as anyone else to access family violence services and should not be directed to a particular health or disability service instead unless you have chosen that option.
Your rights are protected under:
New Zealand’s anti-discrimination laws in the Human Rights Act 1993This link will take you to an external website.
Tell someone
It's never ok to feel scared or hurt by the people close to you.
If you are experiencing family violence, try to find someone you trust who will:
talk with you about what you want to do
support you to find information that can help you to make choices that are right for you
advocate for you to get the type of support that works for your needs.
Support services
If someone does not believe you when you tell them you’re getting abused or hurt, know that there are support services out there who will listen and believe you.
Support services understand that, as a disabled person, you may:
be concerned about losing the support you need from your carer if you tell someone about the abuse
need support to communicate what is happening to you, and that this may make you feel uncomfortable.
If you decide you need support, the following services will work with you to find solutions that are right for you.
Contact family violence professionals
Contact us through the chat window or call 0800 456 450 to speak with a trained professional about family violence.
The Personal Advocacy and Safeguarding Adult Trust (PASAT)
PASAT offers a range of services for adults with care and support needs in New Zealand. These services include support with:
decision making
advocacy
health, safety, and wellbeing.
PASAT takes direction from and works together with adults experiencing harm, abuse, and neglect to improve their lives. For more information, see The Personal Advocacy and Safeguarding Adult TrustThis link will take you to an external website.
Whaikaha needs assessment services
Whaikaha Ministry for Disabled People provides needs assessment services that can help disabled people and disabled people’s whānau, family and support people to identify and access support across New Zealand. For more information see Whaikaha Needs assessment services.This link will take you to an external website
For carers of a disabled person
Experiencing violence from a disabled person you are caring for
As a carer, you may experience violence and abuse from the person you’re caring for. Carers provide support for someone close to them who needs additional assistance with their everyday living because of a disability, health condition, illness or injury. Their disability may mean they’re unable to communicate easily or regulate their emotions.
You have a right to be safe.
Support for carers
If you feel unsafe while caring for someone, you may be able to receive support from the Safeguarding Adults From AbuseThis link will take you to an external website collective through PASAT.
Find more information on support for carers at the Carers New Zealand websiteThis link will take you to an external website or Whaikaha websiteThis link will take you to an external website.
-
Mālo ni, Fakaalofa lahi atu, Kia orana, Tālofa lava, Mālō e lelei, Talofa, Noa'ia, Ni sa bula vinaka, Mauri, Tēnā koutou katoa and warm Pacific greetings.
What is family violence?
Click here for information and support in Sāmoan and Tongan.
Family violence occurs within close personal relationships, such as between partners, parents and children, siblings, and in other relationships where significant others don’t live with you but are part of the family. In New Zealand, family violence is against the law.
Family violence affects the safety and wellbeing of our families. It can often be subtle, hidden, or normalised. Your partner might have traditional views and expects you to stay home and look after the family. They might get angry and use violence if you don’t behave how they want you to.
Your partner or family members might view their abusive behaviour as ‘normal,’ especially when it is accepted in your community or in another country. When violence is normalised, it can become difficult to recognise that this behaviour is not ok and reach out for help.
Remember, you deserve to be safe in your relationships.
It's ok to ask for help
Your safety, and the safety of those around you, is the most important thing.
If this is an emergency, go somewhere safe. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, call 111 and ask for the Police. If it is unsafe to talk, press 55.
If you feel safe to do so, reach out to a close friend or family member, church member, or community member who can:
listen to you, and help you decide what you want to do.
support you to find information that can help you to make decisions that are right for you.
It is normal to feel anxious or worried about what could happen if you tell someone about what you are experiencing.
If you do not feel comfortable talking to someone you know, there are support services that can help.
Find support
Call a helpline for immediate support
0800 456 450 – call us for 24/7 specialist advice and support in over 40 languages. You can also use the chat function on this website to talk to someone now.
0800 REFUGE (0800 733 843) for 24/7 crisis support, advocacy and safe accommodation for women and children experiencing family violence.
Contact Pacific support services
Find a list of Pacific family violence support services across the country in the resource below.
Resource
Translated information
Samoan
Tongan
-
Family violence for ethnic communities
Click here for information and support in 10 languages.
Family violence affects people from all backgrounds and cultures. Anyone can be a victim of family violence regardless of race, age, gender, ethnicity, caste, sexual orientation, immigration or economic status.
In New Zealand, family violence is a crime. It is against the law for anyone to physically, verbally, sexually, or psychologically control or become violent towards another person. This includes children experiencing, seeing, or hearing these kinds of violence. It doesn’t matter if it happens once, or many times. It is never okay to feel scared or hurt by people close to you.
Family violence can cause harm to you and your children, and it’s important to be able to identify if something isn’t right within your relationships and know where to safely seek support.
You can experience family violence from:
Your partner or spouse (including your ex)
your teenage or adult children (including from those who may not be your own biological children)
your parents, or parents-in-law (including guardians)
Extended family (including grandparents, uncles, aunties, cousins, or anyone else within your wider family)
To find out more about family violence and types of abuse, see What is family violence?
Victims of Family Violence Work Visa
You can apply for a high-priority, six-month work visa if you are in a violent situation or have experienced family violence.
You can apply for this visa if you have experienced family violence and your partner was a New Zealand citizen or resident.
You can apply for this visa if you hold a partnership-based visa with another temporary migrant. For example, if you hold a ‘Partner of a Worker’ Work Visa or a ‘Partner of a Student’ Visitor Visa.
You cannot include dependent children in your visa application, but they can apply for visas based on their relationship to you.
Reporting family violence doesn’t mean you will lose access to your children, or have to leave New Zealand.
You can find out more about the criteria and how to apply for the visa on the Immigration NZ website.This link will take you to an external website If you do decide to apply, a social worker or local community organisation can assist you with the application process.
Find support services
If you need help now, there are organisations that can support you to stay safe.
Browse the Ethnic Communities DirectoryThis link will take you to an external website to find services near you.
Connecting with your community can be a great source of support. You can also engage services in other areas if you are concerned about people in your community knowing.
Call a helpline
0800 SHAKTI (0800 742 584) offer 24/7 multi-language support for women in crisis, or in need of urgent information or a safe house
0800 456 450 offers 24/7 family violence advice and support. You can also use the chat online function on this website to talk to someone now.
0800 REFUGE (0800 733 843) offer 24/7 crisis support, advocacy and safe accommodation for women and children experiencing family violence.
Police support
Police and the courts can issue different kinds of orders to protect you from an abusive person. You can find out about how Protection Orders, Police Safety Orders and Trespass Notices work on this page.
Police Ethnic Liaison Officers can offer support to people from ethnic communities. Find your local Ethnic Liaison Officers on the Police website.This link will take you to an external website
If you are in immediate danger, call 111. For non-emergency police assistance call 105.
Financial support
If you’re a New Zealand citizen or resident, you can get financial help through Work and Income NZThis link will take you to an external website. Even if you aren’t a citizen or resident, you may still be able to access some financial help. Ask a social worker or friend to help you contact them on 0800 559 009.
Refugees can get financial help as soon as you arrive in New Zealand. Asylum seekers can get financial help once Immigration NZ has sent a letter out recognising your application for asylum.
Legal support
Community Law provide free legal help throughout New Zealand. Find a free advice clinic here.This link will take you to an external website
If you need help to pay for a lawyer and your legal fees you can call 0800 2 LEGAL AID (0800 253 425) or find more information on legal aid here.This link will take you to an external website
You don’t have to live in New Zealand permanently or be a New Zealand citizen to be eligible for legal aid. Depending on the circumstances, you may have to pay back some or all of the legal aid.
Support for migrants, refugees, and asylum seekers in New Zealand
Immigration New ZealandThis link will take you to an external website has information for new migrants to help you settle and work in New Zealand.
The New Zealand Red CrossThis link will take you to an external website provide settlement support for refugees in eight towns around New Zealand. The Red Cross will connect you to services, agencies and organisations that can help you.
Asylum Seekers Support TrustThis link will take you to an external website provides asylum seekers with access to information, services, and resources to help people as they apply for refugee status, and after it has been granted.
Shama Ethnic Women’s TrustThis link will take you to an external website can provide support for sexual harm nationwide.
You can email crisis1@shama.org.nz or call (07) 843 3810.Diversity Counselling New ZealandThis link will take you to an external website provides culturally responsive, professional counselling services nationwide in more than 22 languages. You can contact them on contact@dcnz.net or call 0800 143 269.
Websites for support LGBTQIA+ people within ethnic communities
Adhikaar Aotearoa provide education, advocacy, and support for LGBTQIA+ people of colour, particularly South Asians, in New Zealand. You can visit their website here.This link will take you to an external website
Rainbow path supports LGBTQIA+ asylum seekers and refugees by providing information and links to Rainbow-friendly services. Connect with them hereThis link will take you to an external website.
Collaboration
Our content has been developed with family violence specialists, frontline workers, and people with lived experience of family violence. We engaged research agency Kantar Public This link will take you to an external websiteto seek user feedback and evaluate the site. Combining professional expertise with real-life experiences, we aim to provide a trusted place for people to access information and support to keep them and their whānau safe.
